Wired Tired Mom

We all know the word; we’re all annoyed by it: ‘mine.’ It’s a word that just about every toddler picks up, and they pick it up quick. I mean, once they first say it, then it’s like the seagulls from Finding Nemo all day. Mine! Mine! Mine! Like, no, that potato skin from the garbage is not yours actually.

This issue, for me, however, has been somewhat resolved. Crazy, I know. You can actually solve a problem with a toddler?! Mind blowing. But yeah, I did it. All it took was a little tweaking of the words.

From what I’ve seen of my oldest, toddlers don’t really have a good sense of ownership. I know that’s obvious to some, but I have training wheels on, bear with me. They see something they want, and they think it’s a free-for-all. “I want that thing, so I should have it.” Now they’re doing everything in their power to get said thing.

Imagine you have a cup of coffee. Coffee is hot; it will burn them. They don’t care about this fact, however. For some reason, they yearn to get burned. They see that you have it, so it must be amazing. They love to imitate you (yes, they actually like you), so of course, they want what you have. Naturally, you say, “Sorry, it’s mine.” It seems like when they hear that, they don’t understand it as, “This cup of coffee is solely owned by Mama and is to be drunk only by Mama.” Instead, they think, “Oh, I can say ‘mine’ too. I should have it as well.” Then the seagull comes out: Mine! Mine! Mine!

The solution to this problem for me was more or less stumbled upon. I wish I could claim the victory, but sadly, it was my husband (I’m proud on the inside). When A, my oldest, asked Dada for his coffee, saying, “mine”, Dada simply said, “This is not for you,” and it worked. So, I tried it as well with a tweak. “This is not for you; that is for you,” while pointing at his milk cup on the floor. Lo and behold, he walked to his milk cup and drank it. No seagull that morning. I’ve tried other ways to say it too, such as “This is for Mama; that is for you”, or “This is not for you, this is for the table.”

So, why did this work? My head canon is that, when I say, ‘mine’, it opens up a sort of competition for him. If he can say ‘mine’, as well, then he can have it too. He thinks he can assume ownership by saying the magic word. But when I say, “That’s not for you; this is for you”, I’m simply informing him. I give him a statement he can’t (or at least shouldn’t) misinterpret, and he accepts it. Usually.

I know people say you shouldn’t overexplain to a toddler because they won’t understand, but you’d be surprised what they can pick up on. Obviously, they won’t stay still for your PowerPoint presentation, but they’ll understand something simple like, “That’s not for you.” So instead of inviting competition, just give them simple/toddler-appropriate information. They still might be upset with you. I can’t fix that. But at least there’s no confusion… and no seagull.